How to ask someone to be a job reference
Ask permission before sharing a reference’s details. Use a short email and a follow-up note once you know who might contact them.
Ghosted editorialPublished 12 min read
On this page
- Ask first
- Brief them before anyone calls
- Pick the person who saw the work
- What a reference is usually asked
- The six parts of a reference request
- Ask before the recruiter asks you
- If they haven’t replied
- Two more emails you can copy
- Four things to settle first
- The mistakes people make most often
- A checklist before you share their details
- Keep track of who you asked
- Questions people ask about job references
The email
Ask first
SubjectWould you be a reference for me?
Hi Sam,
I’m interviewing for a support role at Northline. Would you be comfortable being a reference for me? We worked together on the checkout support queue, and this team is interested in how I handled escalations. Happy to send the job description. I understand if the timing doesn’t work.
Thanks, Alex
Five sentences, and each one does a job: the role and the company, the question, the work you did together, what this team cares about, and an easy way to say no. The last one matters more than it looks. Someone who feels free to say no gives a warmer yes.
Ask, then list
Never give a recruiter someone’s details before they’ve agreed. A reference caught off guard by a call sounds unsure, and unsure reads as doubt about you.
They said yes
Brief them before anyone calls
Ask which email or phone number they want you to share. Send the posting, the CV you used and the expected timing if you know it. A useful heads-up is “Jo from Northline may email this week about our work on the support queue.” Let them describe that work in their own words.
SubjectRe: their thread
Hi Sam,
Thank you, I really appreciate it. Which email or phone number would you like me to give Northline?
I’ve attached the job description and the CV I sent them. Jo from Northline may email this week about our work on the support queue. They’re most interested in how I handled escalations.
Thanks, Alex
Their words, not yours
Tell them what the team cares about, then stop. A reference reading from your script sounds like it. A specific memory in their own words carries more weight than any line you could write.
Start here
Pick the person who saw the work
The best reference isn’t the most senior name you know. It’s the person who watched you do the work this job is about, and can describe it with an example. A former team lead who reviewed your bug reports can say what they were like. A director who met you twice can only say you seemed good.
They saw the work up close
They managed you, reviewed your work or did it alongside you. Recent is better: a memory from last year is specific, one from eight years ago is a feeling.
They can speak to this job
Match the person to the role. For a support job, the colleague who saw you handle escalations beats the one who saw you organise the team’s away day.
They’ll answer
A good reference who replies in a day beats a great one who replies in a fortnight. Think about who reads their email, and who’s about to go on leave.
A former manager
- Many employers expect at least one
- Can speak to how you took feedback, grew and could be relied on
- Choose one who managed you on work like this job’s
A teammate or peer
- Good for how you work with others day to day
- Useful when your manager has left, or can’t be asked yet
- Best alongside a manager, not instead of one, if you can
A client, lecturer or volunteer lead
- For a first job, a career change or a gap
- Pick someone who saw you deliver something
- Say in one line how you know them
34%
Senior managers in an Accountemps survey said they remove as much as 34% of candidates from consideration after checking references. Who you pick, and how well you brief them, still counts late in the process.
Source: HR Dive (2019), on an Accountemps survey of more than 2,800 senior managers
The call
What a reference is usually asked
Reference checks vary a lot. Some are a form that confirms your dates and title. Others are a proper conversation with the hiring manager. Most sit somewhere in between, and the questions tend to come from the same short list.
- How they know you, and for how long
- Your job title, your dates and what the role involved
- What you did well, with an example
- Where you were still growing, and what helped
- How you worked with colleagues, customers or other teams
- Whether they’d work with you, or hire you, again
That’s why the briefing matters. If Sam knows Northline cares about escalations, Sam can pick the example that answers the question they’ll be asked anyway, instead of the first one that comes to mind.
38%
Asked what they want most from a reference, the largest group of managers in the same survey said a view into the candidate’s strengths and weaknesses. Next came descriptions of past duties (22%) and confirming job titles and dates (19%).
Source: HR Dive (2019), on an Accountemps survey of more than 2,800 senior managers
Line by line
The six parts of a reference request
The subject line
Say what you’re asking: “Would you be a reference for me?” It’s clear in a busy inbox, and it lets them think before they open it.
The job and the company
“I’m interviewing for a support role at Northline.” They’ll want to know what they’d be vouching for before they say yes.
The question, plainly
“Would you be comfortable being a reference for me?” Comfortable gives them room to say it isn’t a good fit, which is better heard now than on the call.
The work you did together
“We worked together on the checkout support queue.” Name the project, so they know which memories to reach for.
What this team cares about
“This team is interested in how I handled escalations.” One line, so they can think of an example before anyone calls.
An offer, and a way out
“Happy to send the job description. I understand if the timing doesn’t work.” It makes yes easy and no painless.
Email, or a call and an email
Email lets them answer in their own time. If you know them well, ask on a call, then send a short email with the details, so they have the job and the timing in writing.
When to ask
Ask before the recruiter asks you
References usually come late in a process, but the request can arrive at short notice: “Could you send two references by Friday?” Have yours agreed before then.
- When you start interviewing Make a short list of three or four people who saw your work. Check you still have a way to reach each of them.
- When you reach the final stages Ask the two or three who fit this job best, with the email above. Tell them roughly when a call might come.
- When the recruiter asks for details Send the contact details each person chose, and nothing else. Then send each of them the heads-up: who may call, and about what.
- After they’ve been contacted Thank them, and tell them how it turned out, whichever way it went.
When references are taken differs by employer and by country. In the UK, many employers take them up after making an offer, and the offer depends on them; your written offer usually says so. In the US, references are more often checked near the end of the interviews, before an offer. If you’re not sure, ask the recruiter when they’ll contact your references. It’s a normal question.
Your current employer can wait
If your manager doesn’t know you’re looking, say so, and ask that your current employer is contacted only once there’s an offer. It’s a common request, and you don’t need to explain it.
No answer yet
If they haven’t replied
Leave their details off the list until they agree. If the recruiter is waiting, tell them when you can send a confirmed contact.
SubjectRe: their thread
Hi Jo,
Thanks for letting me know about the reference stage. I’m confirming with two former colleagues and will send their details by Thursday.
Alex
Then, if a few days pass, one gentle nudge to your reference. Give them the deadline and a real way out, and mean it.
SubjectRe: their thread
Hi Sam,
Just following up on my note last week. Northline has asked for references by Thursday. If now isn’t a good time, no problem at all; I can ask someone else.
Thanks, Alex
If there’s still nothing, ask the next person on your list. Silence often means busy, not unwilling, but your deadline is real either way.
Other situations
Two more emails you can copy
SubjectA reference request, and a hello
Hi Sam,
It’s been a couple of years since we worked together on the checkout support queue, and I hope things are going well. I’m interviewing for a support role at Northline. Would you be comfortable being a reference for me? They’re interested in how I handled escalations, which is the work you saw most of.
I can send the job description and my CV. No problem at all if it’s not a good time.
Thanks, Alex
With someone you’ve lost touch with, lead with a line of real contact before the ask, and remind them of the work in more detail. Don’t pretend you never stopped talking; a plain “it’s been a while” is fine.
SubjectRe: their thread
Hi Sam,
Thank you for speaking to Jo at Northline. I heard today that I got the job, and I start next month. I really appreciate you taking the time.
Alex
Before you ask
Four things to settle first
How many you need
Usually two or three, and the recruiter or the application form will say. Have one more person ready, in case someone is away when the call comes.
The mix
Someone who managed you, if you can, plus someone who saw a different side of your work: a teammate, a client, a team you supported.
Which details you’ll share
Only the email or phone number each person chose. Not a personal mobile just because you happen to have it.
Whether your current employer can be contacted
If not yet, say so on the reference form or to the recruiter, and offer a former manager until there’s an offer.
What goes wrong
The mistakes people make most often
Picking the biggest title
A senior name who barely knew you gives a vague answer. Specific beats senior.
No heads-up
Your reference doesn’t know who’s calling, for which job, or what the team cares about. They answer the general question, not the one that matters.
Writing their lines
A list of things to say puts them in an awkward spot, and it rarely sounds natural on a call. Tell them what the team cares about; let them choose the example.
Using the same person, unannounced
You’re in four processes and Sam is on every list. Tell them each time a new company might call, so the fourth call isn’t a surprise.
A stale CV
You send the CV from two jobs ago, and the reference describes a role you’ve since grown out of. Send the version the employer has.
Never ask for anything untrue
A reference describes what they saw. Don’t ask anyone to stretch a title, change dates or vouch for work they didn’t see, and never pass off a friend as a former manager.
Last look
A checklist before you share their details
Afterwards
Keep track of who you asked
Keep a note of who you asked, for which job, and when they were contacted. If you’re interviewing in several places, it’s how you remember to warn Sam before the next call, and to thank them once it’s over. A reference who hears how it ended is one who’ll help again.
Still preparing for the last round? Use the interview prep sheet. And if an offer arrives with a deadline you can’t meet, here’s how to ask for more time.
Questions
Questions people ask about job references
How many references do I need?
Usually two or three. The application form or the recruiter will say. Have one more person ready in case someone is away when the call comes.
Can a friend be a reference?
Only as someone who saw you work. A friend who was also your teammate can speak about you as a teammate. Someone who knows you only socially is a character reference; some employers accept one for a first job, but most want someone who saw your work.
What if I can’t use my current manager?
That’s common when your employer doesn’t know you’re looking. Offer a former manager or a senior colleague instead, and ask that your current employer is contacted only once there’s an offer.
What if I’ve never had a manager to ask?
Ask whoever saw you deliver something: a lecturer who supervised a project, a client, a volunteer lead, a manager from a part-time job. Say in one line how you know them.
Should I put “references available on request” on my CV?
There’s no need. Employers expect you to provide references when they ask, and the line takes space your experience could use. Leave names and numbers off the CV too, until people have agreed and someone asks.
What if a past employer only confirms dates and job title?
Some organisations have that policy. Tell the recruiter, so a short answer isn’t mistaken for a lukewarm one, and offer someone else who can speak to your work.
Do I need to ask again for each job?
Ask once, then tell them each time a new company might call, with the role and what that team cares about. A surprise call is how goodwill runs out.
Keep who you asked with the job.
Keep every application, its interviews and its contacts in one place.