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Your reference hasn’t replied. How do you keep things moving?

Check where the reference request went, send your reference one heads-up and offer the recruiter a backup. Copy both notes.

Ghosted editorialPublished 13 min read

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The two notes

One note to your reference, one to the recruiter

Send them on the same day. The first asks your reference to look for the request. The second tells the recruiter what you’ve done and offers a way round the wait. Replace everything in square brackets.

To your reference

Reply in the thread where they agreed to be your reference, so they know straight away what it’s about.

SubjectRe: their thread

Hi [Name],

[Company] sent a reference request for my [Role] application to [email address] on [day]. Could you check whether it reached you? If another address is better now, let me know and I’ll pass it on.

If now isn’t a good time, that’s fine. Tell me and I’ll offer someone else.

Thanks, [Your name]

To the recruiter

Reply in their thread. Say what you’ve done, and offer a backup only if that person has already agreed.

SubjectRe: their thread

Hi [Name],

Thanks for letting me know you haven’t heard from [reference’s name] yet. I’ve checked in with them today. If it helps keep things moving, I can also send details for [backup’s name], who [how they know your work]. Would that work?

Thanks, [Your name]

Filled in, for a reference who turned out to be on holiday, they read like this:

To Jo, your former lead

Jo’s out-of-office reply says back on Monday.

SubjectRe: their thread

Hi Jo,

Northline sent a reference request for my Support Engineer application to your Brightwell address on Tuesday. When you’re back, could you check whether it reached you? If another address is better now, let me know and I’ll pass it on.

Thanks, Alex

Made-up details

To Sam, the recruiter

Priya led the same project and said yes last month.

SubjectRe: their thread

Hi Sam,

Thanks for the update. Jo is away this week. I can send details for another lead who supervised the same project. Would that work?

Thanks, Alex

Made-up details

Neither note guesses at why it’s gone quiet, and neither apologises for your reference. The first gives Jo the facts needed to find one email. The second gives Sam a choice: wait a few days, or take another reference who saw the same work.

Before you write

Three checks before you chase anyone

Most silence has a dull explanation, and you can rule out the commonest ones in a few minutes. Indeed’s guide to unresponsive references names typing errors and outdated contact details as a common cause. Start there.

  1. Where it went. Ask the recruiter which email address or number they used, and on what day. Compare it, letter by letter, with what your reference gave you.Start here
  2. Whether they’ve moved on. If your reference has left the organisation you listed, a request to their old work address can sit unread or bounce, and the organisation may not pass it on.Old address
  3. Whether they’re away. An out-of-office reply, a status, a colleague who mentions it. Holidays and leave explain a lot of quiet weeks.A clue

Each check points to a different note. A typo needs a corrected address to the recruiter. A stale work address needs your reference’s current one. Leave needs a date or a backup. Only when all three come up empty is it time to ask your reference directly whether something’s wrong.

Ask the recruiter one question

“Which address did you use, and when?” It’s a normal thing to ask, it shows you’re on it, and the answer usually tells you what went wrong before you write to anyone else.

Start here

Why a reference goes quiet, and what each reason needs

A reference who agreed to help and then hasn’t answered is rarely saying no. They’re more often looking at the wrong inbox, or not looking at all this week. Indeed also lists less comfortable reasons: they don’t remember you well, or they don’t feel able to say something positive. Match the reason to the fix.

Made-up examples: why it’s gone quiet, and what to do
  • What’s happened: The address has a typo, or the number is old

    What to do: Send the recruiter the right details, checked with your reference

  • What’s happened: They’ve changed jobs since they agreed

    What to do: Ask for their current address and pass it on, saying where they worked with you

  • What’s happened: They’re on holiday or on leave

    What to do: Tell the recruiter when they’re back, and offer a backup if that’s too late

  • What’s happened: They’re busy and it slipped

    What to do: One friendly heads-up with the day it was sent, then leave it with them

  • What’s happened: Their employer only lets HR give references

    What to do: Tell the recruiter, and offer someone who can talk about your work

  • What’s happened: They’d rather not do it after all

    What to do: Thank them, and swap in your backup without asking why

The last two rows sound worse than they are. Some organisations have a policy of giving only basic references; Acas notes that some employers won’t give detailed work references and may confirm your role and dates instead. That says nothing about you. A reference who backs out is doing you a favour too: a reluctant reference is worse than a swapped one.

Old work address

When the request went to an address they no longer use

This is the most common snag, and the easiest to fix. You listed a former manager at the company where you worked together. They’ve since moved on, so the request is sitting in an inbox nobody reads. Find out where they are now, ask which address they’d like you to give, then send it to the recruiter with a line about how you know them. Indeed suggests giving more than one way to reach a reference, plus the organisation’s name, so an employer has another route if one fails.

SubjectRe: their thread

Hi [Name],

I’ve just learned that [reference’s name] has left [former organisation], so your request may not have reached them. Their current email is [email address]. They managed me at [former organisation] from [start] to [end], and they’re expecting to hear from you.

Thanks, [Your name]

Say where they worked with you, not just where they work now. A recruiter who sees a manager at a company that isn’t on your CV may wonder whether they’re the right person. One line clears that up.

Reference
Lena Ford, former support lead
Worked together
Brightwell, March 2023 to June 2025
Email now
lena.ford@harbourline.example
Phone
Only if Lena says so

Give two ways to reach them

An email address and a phone number give the recruiter a second route if the first goes quiet. Only share what your reference chose, and nothing you just happen to have.

Away from work

When your reference is on leave

An out-of-office reply is good news: you know why, and you know when it ends. Whether you can wait depends on the recruiter’s timeline, not yours. So tell them the date, and let them choose.

SubjectRe: their thread

Hi [Name],

[Reference’s name] is away until [date], so they may not reply before then. If that works for your timeline, they’ll pick it up when they’re back. If it’s too late, I can send details for [backup’s name], who [how they know your work].

Thanks, [Your name]

Don’t chase someone on leave. One short note, so the request is near the top of their inbox when they return, is plenty. If they’re away for a long stretch, or you don’t know when they’re back, offer the backup straight away rather than leaving the recruiter to wait.

Don’t write to their personal number

Unless that’s how you normally talk, a message to someone’s personal phone while they’re on holiday asks a lot. The note in their work inbox is enough.

Your backup

Have the backup agreed before you offer them

The fastest way through a silent reference is a second one who’s ready. Indeed notes that many employers ask for two references, and suggests having three or four, so a gap can be filled. The backup only helps if they’ve said yes before their name reaches the recruiter.

Someone who saw the same work

If Jo was going to talk about your escalations, the best backup is the person who also saw them: another lead on the project, a manager from the next team over. The recruiter gets the same evidence from a different voice.

Someone who has already said yes

Never put a name forward to fill a gap. Ask first, with the reference request email, and wait for a yes. A backup who’s surprised by the call is the same problem twice.

Someone whose details you’ve checked

The address they want you to use, today. You’re in this spot because a contact was out of date; don’t send another one.

A manager if you can

Employers usually want at least one person who managed you. If your silent reference was your only manager, say so, and offer a senior colleague who saw the work.

Brief the backup too

Tell them which company may call, the role, and what the team cares about. They’re stepping in late, so a heads-up matters even more than it did the first time.

Other situations

Four more notes you can copy

Each one is a reply in a thread you already have. Short, specific, and with something the reader can say yes to.

SubjectRe: their thread

Hi [Name],

Just checking you saw [Company]’s reference request from [day]. They’re hoping to hear back by [day]. If it isn’t a good time, no problem at all. I can ask someone else.

Thanks, [Your name]

SubjectRe: their thread

Hi [Name],

[Organisation] only confirms dates and job titles, so [reference’s name] may not be able to say more about my work. If you’d like someone who can, [backup’s name] managed me on [project] and is happy to speak to you.

Thanks, [Your name]

SubjectRe: their thread

Hi [Name],

[Reference’s name] isn’t able to give a reference after all. [Backup’s name] supervised my work on [project] and has agreed to speak to you. Their email is [email address].

Thanks, [Your name]

SubjectRe: their thread

Hi [Name],

I wanted to check whether you’ve been able to reach my references. If anything’s held up, I can send another contact.

Thanks, [Your name]

Line by line

What the recruiter update says, and what it leaves out

  1. What you’ve done

    “I’ve checked in with them today.” It tells the recruiter the silence is being handled, without asking them to do anything yet.

  2. What you can offer

    “Another lead who supervised the same project.” The backup comes with the reason they’re a fair swap: they saw the same work.

  3. A question they can answer

    “Would that work?” Yes means you send the details. No means they’ll wait. Either way, the next step is theirs, and clear.

What it leaves out matters as much. No theory about why your reference hasn’t replied. No apology on their behalf. No criticism of someone who agreed to help you for free. And no new pitch: the recruiter is checking what others say about you, and your own case was made in the interviews.

What goes wrong

The mistakes that slow it down further

Chasing every day

Three messages in three days to someone doing you a favour turns a busy week into an awkward one. One heads-up, then a clear way out.

Offering a name you haven’t asked

It fixes today’s gap and creates tomorrow’s. Ask first, every time.

Going quiet yourself

If the recruiter wrote to say they can’t reach your reference and you don’t answer, the silence becomes yours. Reply the same day, even if it’s to say you’re checking.

Writing to their new employer

Calling a company switchboard to track down your reference can put them in an awkward spot at a new job. Use the contact you already have, or ask a mutual colleague.

Blaming the reference

“Jo is terrible at email” might be true. It still sounds like a judgement about someone vouching for you. Stick to what happened.

Assuming the worst

A slow reference is far more often a full inbox than a bad review. Check the address before you start rewriting your whole list.

Never fill in the form for them

If a reference form lands in your inbox by mistake, send it back to the recruiter. A reference you wrote yourself isn’t a reference, and offering to “draft something” puts your reference in a bad position.

Last look

A checklist before you send

Once it’s done

Thank both of them, whatever happens

When the recruiter confirms they’ve heard back, thank whoever spoke to them. If your backup stepped in, thank your first reference anyway: they agreed to help, and they’ll want to know it’s sorted. Tell them both how it ends, offer or not.

Then fix the list for next time. Update the address that went stale, and note who is away when. If your offer depends on references and your start date is close, ask whether that date still stands; asking for a later start date covers the wording if it has to move. And if the reference question that’s worrying you is your current employer, see what to put when a form asks to contact them.

Questions

Questions people ask when a reference hasn’t replied

How long should I wait before chasing my reference?

That depends on the recruiter’s timeline, not a fixed number of days. Ask the recruiter when they need to hear back. If that’s close, send the heads-up now. If it’s a week away, give your reference a day or two first.

Will a slow reference cost me the job?

Not usually on its own. Employers expect the odd delay, and an employer that can’t reach someone will usually tell you. What helps most is answering quickly and offering a backup who has agreed.

Can I give the recruiter a different reference without asking?

No. Ask the new person first, wait for a yes, and check which contact details they want you to share. Then send them to the recruiter.

Should I call my reference instead of emailing?

If you normally talk on the phone, a short call is fine. Otherwise, reply in the email thread where they agreed. It keeps the company, the role and the date in one place they can find again.

Can I send a written reference or a LinkedIn recommendation instead?

Ask the recruiter. Some employers accept a written reference; many want to contact the person themselves. Don’t send one unasked as a replacement.

What if my reference’s old company has closed?

Ask the employer whether they’d accept someone else from that job, someone from a different job, or someone who knows you well. Acas lists all three as options when a reference can’t be had.

What if my reference says they’d rather not?

Thank them, and don’t ask why. Tell the recruiter they can’t give one after all, and name your backup. A reluctant reference does you no favours.

Know which reference has answered.

Keep your references on the job, next to the recruiter and the day they need to hear back.

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